THE REASON I LOVE CHILDREN SO MUCH.

      I love children, always have and always will. But as I grow older, the love grows even more.
      There's nothing odd or weird about my affection towards them, and I get infuriated when I learn of them being abused, particularly when it comes to the point of death.
      You see, like a lot of other possessions, you appreciate them, take them for granted and sometimes wish they wouldn't get in the way. At times they can be costly, other times embarrassing and sometimes fail or refuse to understand their wants and needs.
      Until you lose one of course! That's the time it hits you in a way that only someone else who's also lost one understands. All I can say is, it's a blow that sends you reeling and there's no answer you can find that will allow you to understand.
      Sometime in October of 1987, at 6 o'clock in the morning, I was awakened by my 2nd Son Allan, to get the announcement his older brother and my Son Danny, 30 years old, was found dead, face down in a creek that ambled through the town of Cranbrook, B.C., Canada.
      It was suspected by the RCMP that he was already dead when placed there. There were also rumors at the time he had been targeted by a branch of the Hell's Angels.
     It was later found by my son Allan several years later, that it was the case.
     As is the case a lot of times, the man who killed Danny met his own demise later. I don't know the details of his death, but I wasn't disappointed.
     Danny suffered a lot of disappointment in his life and was away from me since I had moved here from Canada to live in Kenmore, Wa.
     All the while Danny was apart from me, we stayed in contact by phone, (Not often enough) but some time prior to his death, we had a domestic disagreement and as I would think of them both often, I felt I had never settled things properly, so I sat down and wrote a letter ,and along with other nice remarks, told him that I loved him dearly and hoped I would see him soon. I teared up a little as I placed the letter in the mail. Two weeks later, I received the sad news of his passing.
     One week after that, I received the letter back in the mail. The Canadian Postal system had gone on strike.
     It took a considerable length of time for me to accept the "luck of the draw".
     Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I have never gotten over the fact that he died, not being assured I loved him.
     I lived with that and after several years, God had a way of softening the blow, you might say. After all, I still had another son and three daughters to think about and express to me they loved me.
     In 1998, my son Allan, then 39, was out of work in Canada after spending a number of years in the Alberta oil fields, took the opportunity by invitation from me to come to the States to work for, and with me.
     Shortly after his arrival, he began having epileptic seizures, so I arranged for him to see a neurologist in Everett Wa.
     Allan was afflicted by a brain tumor that although benign, had grown on the right side of his brain and could not be totally removed. After an operation to remove part of it, he was told that he could live for several to five years, at which time there would be nothing more they could do.
     Although Allan could have lived with us in Mt Vernon, he chose of his own volition to live in Everrett with a friend who offered him work down there. As luck would have it, Allan's need for continued medical attention due to his epilepsy stopped him from being able to work any longer.
     It hurts too much to even try to explain why Allan and I couldn't see eye to eye on some things, such as smoking in the house. So he preferred to spend most of his time in Everett near his friends and I. in return, did what I could to see he had supplemental income that would keep him from being totally homeless.(I often reminded him that my home was always open to him when he preferred to come home.)
     Finally, in 2008, Allan decided to come home. His epilepsy had become more severe and the tumor had again blossomed to the point where the whole right side of his brain could no longer be seen in the X-ray.
     On February 10th, 2010, Allan peacefully passed away at Burton Care Centre in Burlington Wa.
     He held my hand as I said the Lord's prayer, shortly before he died.
     I since think of both my sons often, and yearn to be able to hold them in my arms to feel their preciousness of life I once used to feel when they were little and would crawl into bed with me when they missed their mother. ( Having been separated from her, I was raising them myself.)
     Yes, I love children, and every time I hold them close to me I know there's a God. A God that wants me to do that very thing.
     So hold your precious children near to you!! Appreciate them every moment of every day, because I don't want you to suffer the empty feeling that comes when they're gone.
      When they're gone, they're gone forever in your lifetime on earth. They can't come back to soothe your hurts when you need it too.
      Anyway, thanks to all who read my story     Just sayin'.