DANNY AND ALLAN. THERE ISN"T A DAY GOES BY THAT YOU'RE NOT WITH ME!!

     But I still miss you both dearly, knowing that in this life I'll never see either one of you again.
     Danny, you were only 30 years old when you left us, leaving me wondering why it had to be the way that it happened, with you having no decision in the matter.  But my memories of you haven't left me. The first time you went potty by yourself and were so proud of it. And how you loved to tend to your younger brother and sisters as they came along. But a sad parting took place. You were too young to understand the circumstances and you didn't know how weak I was in my marriage by not standing my ground and seeing to it that someone else should have left instead of me.
     I remember you at 6 years old, standing at the open door of the house as I was leaving you and the other younger children, due to a totally broken marriage. Crying loudly, you were begging me not to go. 
     Something that was only explained to me several years later that even under those circumstances, possession was 90% of the law in actuality. But I thought I really didn't have much choice in the matter with the way the court system was set up at the time. A time when decisions in the court were 100% in favor of the mother being more suitable for children in a one parent situation. It didn't seem to matter what the circumstances were.
     The fact is, I accepted defeat and left. No other excuses, I left, when I was the one that should have stayed instead.
     For the next 3 years, I was a lot of miles away, Working in the mines in Butte Montana with my  older brother John, but not a day went by that I didn't feel guilty for having left and not stood up to the circumstances at the time.
     3 years later, I returned, finally having gone through the process of  "really" becoming a man, when I previously thought I already was one. I returned because I was haunted with the fact that I had left you and the younger ones behind.
     Your mother had moved the family to Penticton, B.C. in the meantime.
     I honestly hoped that things might have improved and we could get back together again. But the disappointment was astronomical and to say the least, heartbreaking.
     I returned to my job with the Dept. of Highways Engineering section as a Sr. Instrument man on the Revelstoke to Mica Dam Highway, approximately 200 plus miles from Penticton.
     The situation with you and the rest of the children had deteriorated so, that when I visited you, you answered the door with a huge patch of Impetigo on one of your cheeks, you were not quite 9 years old, and you were in the midst of making peanut butter and jam sandwiches for the rest of the children. It was 2:00 in the afternoon and you told me Mom wasn't home. A surprise to me was seeing an infant boy standing in a crib with no diaper and feces spread on him and the wall beside his crib. You told me it was your half brother, Brent. He was fathered by another man.
     The condition of the home was deplorable, but you and the kids were so happy to see me, we all cried as I hugged you all. The intention of getting back with your mother was impossible, both because of the deterioration and the fact she had another child to another man while I was away.
     Since your mother has passed now, and I realize  I could have handled it better, I won't describe the condition of the home, but it wasn't good.
     After finding and having a short, discussion with her at one of the local bars, I took a cab to the pharmacy and acquired a prescription for the Impetigo. I went back and applied it to your face, then boarded the bus to return to my work in Revelstoke, B.C. promising I'd come back for you. I did return a couple of months later only to find things the same. Ultimately, with your mother's consent, I returned to Revelstoke with Allan to live with me in a 2 bedroom apartment there and you followed a couple of months later.
     Since my office was in the same building as the Welfare office in town, I contacted them immediately and after several contacts with the officer, who I eventually got to know, the process of acquiring my other two children, Leslie Kim and Alana Jean began.
     Our home became a happy one for all three of us, while the process went on with the Welfare Dept, and me seeing them on a daily basis. I still knew I wanted to have my girls as well, but that was going to take a little more time. Once in a while , you and Allan would express to me how you missed your Mom and the girls, but also seemed to understand the situation. Through the years, you lamented how you missed your half brother Brent. I sympathized and loved you for it.
     There are many precious memories of our living there. We spent all our extra time doing things normal to a functional family. The sound of both your feet pitter pattering in the middle of the night from your bedroom to mine in order that the two of you could snuggle up with me until morning. You did it often and I will treasure those moments the rest of my days.
     Danny, you were such a good boy in your life, never being on the wrong side of the law, being in the Army cadets when you were 13, getting several honors in Grade school and again, in High school, that you shouldn't have been dealt the nasty hand you received when you turned 19 years old.
     After leaving home to visit your mother in Creston, B.C., you tried your hand at finding work in different areas of B.C. just to arrive back with me in a confused state of mind. unknown to me you were having a nervous breakdown. After mistakenly being thought to be on drugs, the police called to let me know they were holding you in jail and were going through your  belongings but found no evidence of drugs. I arrived there to see you and realized you were in need of a doctor. I called the family doctor who arrived shortly to diagnose you needed to be taken to the a mental facility located 200 miles from our town.  I loaded you in my truck and we immediately left for the hospital in Trail, B.C.. We talked along the way and as we talked, I assured you they were going to make you better and told you I loved you. You  told me back that you loved me.
     The diagnosis was confirmed and it was a heart breaker for both of us. With my prompting I convinced you to sign yourself in so when you were better, you could then sign yourself out. I left you there and shortly after leaving, pulled over to the shoulder of the road and had a good long cry.
     You entered treatment and six months later were released with medication that controlled the condition until you met your fate in Cranbrook at the age of thirty under very suspicious circumstances. I know you're safe now, and I look forward to seeing you and your brother again.
     And now for your brother.
     Allan, from the moment you saw me again on the second visit to Penticton, after me returning to you from Butte, Montana, you were bound and determined so much to come with me that you refused to get  out of the back seat of the car until your mother allowed you to come. It was a tense and heart rendering moment when you cried and said to her, "I love you, Mom, but I'm going with my Dad! Say goodbye to the others and tell them I love them, too." You were only 5 years old!
     Going back to when you were only 6 months old, You were stricken with bronchial pneumonia while I was away from home working up North out of Fort Nelson, B.C. and your mother had moved to be near her mother in Creston, B.C. along with Danny and you.
     I had to leave my job to get home because you weren't expected to live. It was early in 1960 and due to having my cheques sent directly to your mother, I had no money and had to hitch rides by airplane and cars to get home to be with you.  I arrived 4 days later, and after finding Danny with a babysitter, came to see you at the Creston hospital.
     I signed the necessary papers for you to have a drug that had never been used on a young baby
     under 8 years old. They said there was no other hope otherwise. You were in a coma.
     The next day I went to see you again, and sat down beside you in your little transparent tent. As I sat there watching you, I said the Lord's prayer. Seconds later, your eyes flickered, and then you opened them and looking directly at me, gave the nicest smile I'll ever hope to see.
     That was the happiest moment in my life, and I cried. You made it through.
     And now you are five.
     As you and Danny sat watching me put kitchen stuff away in our new apartment, I realized it was a beautiful day outside and yet you two were not out there playing with the other kids in our new neighborhood. I asked, "why aren't you guys outside playing?" Danny watched as you answered, "There's two kids standing across the street that want to fight with us just because we're new in the neighborhood." I looked out the kitchen window and saw two kids lurking there and looking directly at our apartment window.
     The one boy was quite a bit larger than Danny and I hesitated before I asked, "Are you going to let them bully you both so you have to stay in the house forever? Danny answered with "We don't want to, but we thought we'd catch heck if we got into a fight." I replied, "Well it's up to you, but if I were you, I'd go outside and wait for them to come across the street to beat you up, and I'd punch the biggest one in the mouth as hard as I could, Then I'll bet they leave you alone." Danny answered me after some thought and said, "Thanks Dad!" Then out the door you both went, I must say, to my surprise!
     Danny was wearing glasses and as I watched the two boys cross the street, you stood beside Danny. I must admit my heart was in my throat as they approached my two smaller boys. Just as the bigger one was getting closer, Danny took his glasses and laid them on the hood of my work truck.
     To my surprise, he never said a word and threw a haymaker that hit the kid smack in the mouth and knocked him flat on his back with his lips bleeding. Even more to my surprise, he started crying and said he only wanted to be friends. The other boy said to both of you, "Welcome to our neighborhood."
     I was so proud of you both that day! There was no more trouble after that!
     After we settled into our apartment, you soon got to know the old landlord and he took you under his wing at times and he would let you help him when he was doing little miscellaneous things, such as painting the fence. Little did he know he was making a mistake by letting you use the spray paint can.
     One day I arrived at home to run into the landlord. Boy, was he excited. you had watched him put the paint away and had gotten into it. The other tenant's cars got spray painted in the underground parking garage and luckily the landlord had discovered it in time to be able to remove it. What a close call that was for me and my pocket book.
     At your age of 17, when I moved to Kenmore, Wa. from Canada, you came to be with me once again. I had gotten remarried and was driving back and forth to work in Seattle.
     We were living next to two other teens who's father died in an industrial Accident. Their mother had just received a large settlement.
     She promptly bought them an off-road dirt bike they knew nothing about, including you.
     When you told me about it at dinnertime, a red flag told me this wasn't good, and I promptly pleaded with you not to get involved with it. It was sadly to no avail.
     At noon the following day, the mother called me at work and said they wanted me to immediately come to the Kirkland Evergreen hospital. You had hit a house on the motorcycle.
     Once again, I feared that you wouldn't live. But six hours later, after several steps had to be taken to save your life, you finally made it, but unknowingly at the time, the injury started a tumor that would appear when you were 37 and, although it couldn't be totally removed, they managed to buy you twelve more years.
     Allan, you lost your life to a brain tumor at the age of 49, and once again, your heart, along with mine was broken as it happened. We held hands and I said the Lord's prayer once again just before you died, It left another sorrowful place in my heart alongside your brother Dan.
     I swear there's no more room left there, but hope there will be no need for it either.
     I know you're there on the other side with the hope you're both arm and arm with your mother.
     Just sayin' what I've been hankering to say to both of you for a long time. I love you all! Dad.